That moment when you find out you weigh more than you thought…

So I’ve been VERY open and honest on here about my distorted body image and mild eating disorder. You all know it’s something I’ve struggled with and continue to struggle with on a daily basis. I am happy to say that I have a much better grip on reality now that I’ve been fortunate enough to have a therapist who is working through that with me. I’m not obsessive about every single thing I put in my mouth, and that’s been great. Until now. I apparently haven’t been mindful enough about what I’ve been feeding myself with.

My clothes, that I had to buy a couple of months ago because my leg muscles are finally coming along, are starting to feel very snug. Not in the leg area. I went 5 weeks cold turkey from running due to my injury. While I did bike my brains out every day, and I continue to do so, the calorie burn isn’t quite the same and I’d have to literally bike so fast until my legs cramped up to achieve the same heart rate I do from running. Not the same; especially because I can’t go do this on a spin bike.

With that being said, I have still been eating like I’m running a bazillion miles a week and I have honestly been using my “I work out a lot” excuse to eat a cookie here and there, several times a day or some amount of chocolate. Or that piece of pizza…or the fro-yo I seem to find myself devouring on a weekly basis.

Not.good.

I told my BFF L-Jo last night that I needed to lose at least 10 pounds. This girl has lost 13 herself over the past couple of weeks and I’m SO proud of her. It’s inspiring. And she hasn’t really done anything different other than not eat crap! She’s keeping up with her training and she’s been able to lose it fairly quickly. It’s time for me to get on board.

So this morning I jumped on my scale (the thing I NEVER allow myself to do because of my distorted reality and I get all caught up in numbers). I was SHOCKED to find I’ve gained 16 pounds since December. Like woah. I realize some of this is muscle, but not THAT much and my stomach is living proof of that. I got rid of my love handles once before through proper nutrition and exercise, and I can sure make them go away again.

I’m frustrated with myself because I used to be SO good at what I put in my body. I was diligent about avoiding sugar and bad carbs. Now it seems to be my life because I use my working out as an excuse. I’m happy to say that through my hard work, mentally, I’m not killing myself and on the verge of a nervous break down because I saw a certain number I haven’t even been close to in 2 years this morning. I’m doing fine with it. Because I know what I have to do and I’ve done it before.

It’s time to get back to a much healthier way of life. My 1/2 training, when I’m back at it, will really go a lot better if I don’t have this poor nutrition going on.

So what’s the plan, Courtenay?

I’m so glad you asked. It’s simple, really..

1) Increase my water intake (meaning START DRINKING IT)

2) No more sugar! Be gone!!! I lived 6 years of my life sugar-free, I can surely do it again.

3) replace bad carbs with good carbs, or at least figure out a way to keep this in moderation. I’m really good about substituting white carbs with brown, but that doesn’t help if it’s all I’m shoving down my throat a million times a day.

4) Up my protein intake to ensure my muscles are getting proper fuel.

5) And STOP with the fro-yo and all the toppings every single week. How is that gonna help anything??

In as few words as possible: stop using working out as an excuse and go back to viewing food as FUEL not a means to eat myself to oblivion on stuff that’s not helping me.

I’m not going to read any books. I’m not going to sit here on the internet and obsess over proper nutrition and obsess over calorie intake. At one point in my life I’d lost 60 pounds on my own eating differently and making sure I got proper exercise. I’m pretty sure I can lose at least 10.

I truly believe this is the last thing in my life that I need to get a better grasp on, only do it in a much healthier MINDSET this time. I’m ready. This time I have people to hold me accountable in the RIGHT way too, so I’m thankful.

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One Response to That moment when you find out you weigh more than you thought…

  1. Katie Murphy says:

    I have had the same problem every time I come off of training for a marathon. Unfortunately, I use the “I ran 15 miles today” excuse to eat a donut, ice cream etc. While training for a marathon, it did not affect me. But, it is hard to curb eating that stuff after I am done with the marathon and, inevitably I gain around 10 lbs. I am working to lose weight right now too! And have the injury issue to deal with as well. Good luck. It sounds like you have a great plan.

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