My head/heart is in the right place

I took a couple of days to wrap my mind around the idea of not running. I took some time to reflect on how I’ve been living my life these last 2 years (my 2nd “Runniversary” was yesterday). A closer look was taken at just how much emphasis I place on running/training in my life. A game plan was created for recovery.

I gave myself a couple of days to be sad. I also took some time to realize the end of the world is not here at my doorstep. There are people out there taking their last breath, who have no place to call home, who can’t afford to put food on their tables, who live each day in war-torn countries fighting for their lives, who have loved ones over fighting senseless wars they don’t know if they’ll ever see again. A stress reaction in my leg is NOT the same. I shall not treat it as such. It doesn’t mean I can’t be sad about it. I will not apologize to anyone for that, but I can promise you I will not treat this time off from running as if it even comes close to any of the horrible things others are truly dealing with in life.

In all my injuries I dealt with for 10 months straight last year, I’m handling this one way better than the rest; and it’s the most serious one yet. I’ve learned a lot about myself in that respect. I look back at some of my posts from winter of 2011 and I’m embarrassed. You would have thought death was knocking on my door because my hip hurt. I am not that person anymore and that growth alone as an individual has made this whole journey worth it.

My mind is in the right place and so is my heart.

There are only 2 people on planet earth that know the following…

2 months prior to completing my first half marathon, I was starting to hit a wall mentally in my training. I was starting to doubt my ability, starting to question again if I was going to get to that finish line after having failed 2 times before, starting to wonder what in the world I was doing.

One day I was driving in the car on my way home from work and was listening to my new Chris Tomlin cd. I was immediately struck by this song…

Here are the written out lyrics:

All the way my Savior leads me
Who have I to ask beside
How could I doubt His tender mercy
Who through life has been my guide

All the way my Savior leads me
Cheers each winding path I tread
Gives me grace for every trial
Feeds me with the living Bread

You lead me and keep me from falling
You carry me close to Your heart
And surely Your goodness and mercy will follow me

All the way my Savior leads me
O, the fullness of His love
O, the sureness of His promise
In the triumph of His blood
And when my spirit clothed immortal
Wings its flight to realms of day
This my song through endless ages
Jesus led me all the way
Jesus led me all the way

All the way my Savior leads me
All the way my Savior leads me

I highlighted some lines that particularly struck home with me. I carried those highlighted lines on an index card with me through my first half marathon in Fargo. I looked at them a million times that morning (especially at the start line) and immediately after the race. It was by the grace of God that I was given that gift and it is by the grace of God that I will overcome this injury and do so with my head held high.

This is my mantra. For life.

All the way my Savior leads me…

 

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2 Responses to My head/heart is in the right place

  1. PhroYo says:

    YOU ARE AWESOME!! You know how they say running is 90% mental and 10% physical? Well even during injury, it still remains that most of the challenge to overcome the injury is mental. You’ve learned the FIRST lesson in doing so… you found balance. It’s really about the way we perceive the things that happen to us and what choice we make in how to react. You are definitely making the right choices. And I LOVE that song and all of Chris Tomlin’s songs. :) Stay strong my friend!! (((HUGS)))

  2. Marcy says:

    Hang in there, lady. It can be so tough, but you’ll get through it. Have you thought about trying some other forms of exercise that you can maybe get equally as excited about as you did with running – maybe try to find a yoga studio that fills you up in the same way, or a spin studio. You might find that even though being a runner is a huge part of your identity, you can also get excited about other exercise that will keep you goal setting and moving forward.

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