Life has been a giant whirlwind these past few months. My husband made the decision back in February to let go of his med school dreams and pursue a more comfortable life that just made more sense for all of us. It was a huge decision and one that we did not take lightly. After more than 2 years of barely seeing each other and being rather “stuck” in our life plans, it has been a big adjustment for us both to finally figure out where we wanted our future to go.
A lot of things have changed since that decision was finally decided upon in February. We’ve had time to make some long-term goals and plans. My husband has recently taken on much more responsibility in his job at the hospital and now feels like he’s going in the right direction for career advancement; one that we’re all happy with. We’re finally feeling settled.
I have also taken the last several months to figure out who I am. I’ve alluded to the fact that I’ve been seeing a professional to gain a bit more perspective on life situations that had proven themselves too challenging for me to make sense of on my own. At first I was ashamed to admit my weaknesses, but now I find strength in acknowledging I’m not a perfect human and I’m learning to deal with my own flaws and the world around me much better. I am thankful for the experience and have really gained a better understanding of who I am and am finally comfortable in my own skin.
For what it’s worth…I truly believe the above statement is why my training and running has been outstanding as of late.
I don’t talk about it much here, but my husband and I have a faith in God that guides us in life daily. I grew up in a very strong Christian family and have lived a life as such since I was a youngster. While I have struggled in my faith these past several years, I have found myself clinging more and more to my faith throughout these past several months and it has brought a peace like none other. God has truly been the one leading us in all these decisions and we could not be happier.
All this to say that something has still been missing. Because the past several years have been devoted to the plan of my husband being in school for the next 17 to become a surgeon, the idea of starting a family was out of the question. I had never been a huge fan of the idea of being a mother and quite honestly babies used to scare me and I’d react immediately in disdain as a defense mechanism. For many personal reasons and medical issues, I was told having a baby would be difficult for me and I kept telling everyone “Well that’s OK. I don’t want to be a mom anyways.” I was a very selfish individual who used my fear as a way to lash out and be very vocal about not having children. I have even blogged about it on here.
Until lately. Since I no longer feel like my life is stuck in a med school plan, my brain has been working overtime trying to figure out what the future holds. Through my own personal discovery, I have come to realize it was my fear that was holding me back from even considering the idea of becoming a parent.
Through many discussions and some preliminary research, my husband and I are officially beginning the early stages of the ADOPTION PROCESS!
Now before ya’ll go freakin with me, let me please explain. We fully believe that now is the time for us to begin the journey of expanding our little family. We are 100% clueless on how to even go about starting this process. The hubby and I will be taking the rest of 2012 to research, get our house in order, get our puppy trained (cuz he is a nightmare and a half), getting our finances figured out, and overall preparing for the idea that a baby will hopefully be joining our lives.
I realize we are about to embark on our hardest road yet. I thought med school and our opposite lives were torture; I know that is nothing compared to the heartache, joy, sadness, rejection, etc we are about to willingly endure. We know it is for the greater good and we are nervous, scared out of our minds, and excited at the same time.
We do not have any expectations at this point as to whether or not we will be going with a domestic adoption or international. We have no ideas on anything because quite frankly we just don’t know what’s going to work best for our situation. That’s why we will be taking the time to research, gather some info from friends and agencies, and we will prayerfully be seeking God’s guidance as we make this decision for our future.
My original plan was to not inform anyone except very close friends and our parents, but I realized in doing so, we may be limiting our resources that we don’t even know are out there. So I’m sharing this with you all.
I am beyond nervous to hit that “publish” button, believe me, but I just had to share!
And no matter what the outcome, we need to explore this option as I don’t want to live a life of “what if” and die alone in a nursing home at 90 not knowing what the future could have held for us.
Phew! There. Ya’ll know now!
We appreciate your support, prayers, good thoughts, help, resources, whatever as we begin this journey.