Have you noticed that I haven’t blogged as much lately?
1) I’ve been super di duper busy.
2) I feel rather broken. No, not really physically, but mentally. I’m beaten down. I’ve hit a very huge wall.
I hear people talk about this all the time. Running burn out. I didn’t think it could ever happen to me considering I hardly run at all anymore with the last 8 months being non-stop injuries. I’m there. I’ve over it. I’m over caring. I’m over my body. I’m done putting every single ounce of my being out there desperately trying to put out mileage.
I honestly hate who I have become and what the past couple of months have made out of me.
I’ve always viewed running as my main coping mechanism when the world around me starts pressing in. You know what’s funny? I find it ironic I made one of the main things stressing me out in life as my primary way of coping. STUPID. It only took me 8 months of physical pain to realize that’s probably not the smartest idea.
I’ve not made smart decisions when it comes to training and running in the past. Obviously. I’m making smarter decisions now (with a coach, new training plan, etc). All I can do is learn from my mistakes, hope to go forward in a more positive way, and hope that someday I can actually achieve the goals I set out to accomplish.
Right now I’m seriously broken. I have no inkling of when, or if the passion will ever return at the intensity it has been. Surprisingly I’m OK with that right now. I have learned a TON about myself in just the last month that needs to change.
I’m proceeding with caution. I’m really throwing a lot of effort into cross-training. I pretty much haven’t run now in almost a month. I’m finding myself enjoying that more and more and my coach has really been opening my eyes to what I didn’t realize I could accomplish through different exercises. This is definitely a positive. I need to realize that staying fit, active, and healthy doesn’t always mean I have to run to accomplish that; there are other means of staying fit and keeping up endurance. For right now, that’s what I’m focusing on.
Do I miss running? YOU BET. I’m in a very serious transition time right now (and believe me this is NOT easy) where I’m starting to place a lot more energy on other forms of exercise. I’m trying to balance my life out in other ways and not rely so heavily upon running OR even exercising for that matter. I want this to always be a part of who I am, but not be ALL that I am. Does that make sense?
I’m FORCING myself to make this difficult transition in my mindset, and honestly sometimes I feel like mentally this is going to be more difficult than dealing with any injury I’ve had in my past.
So that’s where I am.
I’m at a point of “not caring.” Consider yourself informed.
Does this mean I’m going to stop blogging? HECK NO! But right now, if things are bit few and far between than normal, it’s just that I’m trying to keep my head above water in this and find a NEW and BETTER me! :)