So this morning was my last run I’d planned before Saturday’s upcoming 10K race.
I don’t know what it is, but I am just flat-out exhausted. No joke. I think I’ve got way too much going on mentally in life right now, I’m staying up WAY too late at night and heading back to work tomorrow.
My runs have been really hard mentally this week. It’s not like I’m setting out to do any long runs or anything, but even on my 3-miler this morning, I was living and breathing for my Garmin to hit the 1.5 mark so I knew I was already halfway there. That’s like 14 minutes into it and I was ready to be done.
Same thing happened on Monday. I intended on 5 miles and only got through 4.5 cuz I couldn’t get myself through to the end.
I hope I’m just in a funk.
This morning’s run was immediately following a nice rain fall. I was anxiously watching the radar screen on my comp this morning like it was gonna give me some words of wisdom pre-run. It didn’t. But I did see a little sliver of no rain coming my way, so I planned my attack.
I managed to get through the whole thing without a single drop falling on me, but I had to have looked like a weirdo hopping all around huge puddles. I’m not huge on getting dirty, let alone when I’m desperately trying to keep my poor Zensah sleeves from getting all muddied up with rain water. So I was doin a little “jig” around the puddles.
It gets even more interesting when you throw in the endless mounds of green geese poop that is in abundance along the trails and sidewalks in my area. A couple of years ago, the local news channel did a huge story on the amount of geese that have made the marshland and nature areas in my suburb their habitat.
It’s very similar to this picture: (Thanks, Craig, whoever you are, for posting this pic)
And I’m just not a huge fan of having green smooshy goose poop all over my Asics either. Just sayin. I probably lost some time on my pace with all the dancin around I had to do.
Besides the mounds of poop, they also like to make their presence known to anyone and anything that is not of goose origin on the trails. Usually there’s little baby geese involved, but the mama goose or the papa goose (who can tell the difference), will definitely hiss at you VERY LOUDLY as you proceed to trot on by. Sometimes the geese will really feel bold and start chasing you and hissing. It’s an endless battleground of fighting the geese and their poop around here. Perhaps that’s why I’m in a running funk? I tend to like my routes goose and poop-free.
Anyways. 3 miles in 28:00 flat. Not as pushed as I did on Saturday, but still feeling OK about it considering the dancing around I had to do and I really just felt like a giant turd.
And now on to the awkward convo I had about an hour and a half ago at my local allergist’s office for my yearly “I-just-need-a-refill-on-my-nasal-spray” appointment. I had nothin for my doc today other than I haven’t had a full-on sinus infection in 15 months (A MIRACLE), and I am feeling pretty good. But you know how before you even get into the exam room they make you step on the scale and blah blah blah? Well I could tell this nurse weird the second she came and got me from the waiting room. Too “talkative.” Ya know? And awkward. It got even weirder when I stepped on the scale (keep in mind I’m in a running tank, running shorts, and a hoodie with my running shoes on). She immediately jumps on me for “being super thin” in her mind.
“Girl! You’re getting dangerously close to being double-digits (Um…not really), and you obviously work out too much. You are so crazy thin and you’re super small too. Dang.” And it just kept going on and on and on and on…
I mean it got VERY uncomfortable how she was just fixated on my height and weight.
It really bothered me. I have mentioned on here before, but I know I have new readers, that up until a couple of months ago, I was seeing a therapist for some issues I’d been starting to have in regards to food aversions and my “control issues” with weight. I’ve lost over 50 pounds in the past couple of years through diet and exercise. You start to hear how you “look good” and then you never want that to stop. It’s nice to hear. Compliments are good. But they’re not good when you take them too far. I was taking them too far. I was TERRIFIED of gaining any weight back. I was obsessive about my body to the point where it was becoming very unhealthy. I was on the fast-track to an eating disorder (already more than halfway there with a huge body image issue), and I knew I had to curbside that pretty fast if I wanted to keep a healthy balance in my life.
I am happy to say that I’ve definitely got life back into perspective. Some days are better than others, but I genuinely have a much better relationship with food AND myself now. But it makes people’s comments all the more frustrating. That fine. Say I’m thin, but do ya really need to dwell on it for 5 minutes straight? I don’t know you. You don’t know me. You have no idea what your comments are doing to me right now.
Really freaking bothered me.
And especially when that’s in a professional setting like that. I don’t know. Maybe you had to be there, but it is just something I gotta get off my chest.
So I’m about to enter into 14 days of working over 96 hours. I’m not sure why I decided to throw a very important 10K race immediately following a 25-hour work stretch, but I did. I’m going to bed by 8 tonight and desperately going to be clambering to any ounce of sleep I can get these next 2 days. Race day is gonna be “interesting.” Let’s just say that. More on my strategy on Friday.
For now? I think ya’ll should take a short visit over to my fundraising page. I am a whopping $15 short of completing my fundraising goal for Saturday’s race benefiting the Children’s Cancer Research Fund.
Here’s a link to the race so you can see more fun pictures and where the money is going: Time to Fly 2011
And if you feel like you’d be willing to donate (even $1 helps), you can visit my personal fundraising page by clicking here.
Thanks to those of you AWESOME friends and my twitter crew for tweeting my page link and for making donations yourself. I GREATLY appreciate your support and so do these wonderful kids who deserve nothing but the absolute best.