And people told me I was nuts…

February 24th is the day we brought our then 1-month old son home from foster care.

February 24th is also the day I signed up for my 4th half marathon and began a 12-week training regimen I’d plotted out in such a way that would hopefully not interfere too much with taking care of a newborn and being a first-time mama.

February 24th is also the day several people made comments to me that I was insane for even thinking about trying to train for another half with a baby at home.

May 11th I ran through the finish line of said half marathon with a PR of 4:42 over my first half marathon I ran less than a year ago in Fargo.

In those 12 weeks, I only missed 2 miles of running that I had to cut short off my last long run of 12 miles due to insane heat and borderline dehydration. I only missed 1 cross-training session on the elliptical in week 2 as a friend surprised us and came to visit Evan.

Sure…I was exhausted. Yes, there were many days I found myself busting out mileage on a treadmill at the gym starting at 9:30PM knowing full-well I was going to be up at 1AM feeding my baby boy a bottle.  The way I look at it is that makes me an even stronger runner when I can overcome the mental and physical exhaustion that comes with running longer distances. The sleepless nights, the challenges we had in transitioning our son, the surgery he had, the medical junk…all part of the training.

I run for an entirely different reason now. I run for myself, yes, but I run so that I can be 1) a role model for my son and 2) so that I can be a better mother FOR my son. I had a lot of heartache to endure over the past year. I was in a boot most of last summer with a tibial injury. I lost a baby girl who I was told was our daughter back at Christmas. I stopped running altogether and walked away from even cross-training for 6 weeks after that. There were days I couldn’t get out of bed.

Remember the days I couldn’t even get my butt to the start line of a half marathon? Those of you that have been following my blog for quite some time definitely remember that. I just ran my 4th in less than a year. I’ve learned to turn life’s adversities, obstacles, and challenges into training tools that make me a better runner and person. If you know me in real life, you know I’m one who repeatedly takes the road less traveled. I’m not entirely sure why, it’s just in my nature. I don’t like to be told “no.” This time it was no different.

All this to say that sometimes we need to stop complaining about the crap and challenges life throws at us (so I’ve learned) and turn those things into positives. How can I learn from those things? What can I do to make sure I overcome the obstacle? What do I need to do in order to conquer it?

A year ago this weekend I ran my first half marathon. Despite many trials, this has been my best year of running yet because I finally came to grips with what it means to fight, divide and conquer. I’m so glad the word “QUIT” isn’t in my vocabulary. I challenge you to make sure it isn’t in your’s either.

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All-In for Boston Minneapolis Memorial Run/Fundraiser

I was hoping to get this post up earlier this week, but my son had surgery yesterday so that’s thrown us all into a tailspin around here. I’m thankful he’s happy as a clam right now for me to be able to whip this out!

On Sunday I had the privilege of attending a local run/fundraiser for the victims of the Boston Marathon bombings. Up-Tempo Race Management put on the event starting at 10:40AM (the time when the wave of runners started in Boston that were affected by the bombs). The course was open for 4 hours 9 minutes and 43 seconds with a moment of silence observed at 2:49:43 (the time when the bombs went off at the finish line). The course was a 1.5 mile loop through a local park/reserve and they had water/gatorade and snacks on hand for all of us runners.

Since I had my last long run scheduled this past weekend before I headed into taper for my half marathon next week, this was a perfect opportunity for me to participate and to hang out with some friends who were also in attendance!

I had 12 on the schedule and knew I would probably be doing most of it in the heat of the day if I waited until 10:40 to start. I decided to get 4 in before leaving my house Sunday morning and was blessed with some quiet time out on the trails by my house. Even at 9AM, the heat was already starting to get to me, so I decided I’d still shoot for a total of 12 miles that day, but be happy if I got in at least 10.

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I made a quick pitstop to Walmart for some sunscreen and then made my way over to the park to meet up with my buddies. We were all running our own set mileage that day, but it was nice to see friendly faces and to chat for a bit out on the trail in support.

We signed some waivers…there’s me in the white hat and blue shorts…

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Signed messages of encouragement and support to those in Boston on this beautiful sign!!!

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And pinned on our ribbons…

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The route, while not all that long, was beautiful, serene, and full of some local wildlife. It was complete with our very own Boston Marathon remembrances throughout the trail. These made me smile.

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By the time I started to reach a total of 8.5 miles (4.5 at the park) it was approaching noon and the sun was beating down something awful. I had officially stopped sweating (VERY VERY BAD) and was starting to feel chilled. I grabbed some gatorade and powered through another loop on the trail and decided to call it a day at a total of 10 miles for the day. I didn’t want to do anything stupid considering I had a 20+ mile drive home by myself and a half marathon I didn’t want to jeopardize coming up. Since most training plans don’t ask more than 10 miles for half marathons, considering I’ve done 2 10-mile runs now, I’ll just let those last 2 go. I’m feeling REALLY good going into next weekend’s race.

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I am so thankful to Up Tempo Race Management for organizing a wonderful event to help a wonderful cause. We raised upwards of $6000 that day! WOOHOO!Way to go, Minneapolis!

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Running is medicine

This past year of my life has been hands-down the most stressful and emotionally draining in my entire almost 34 years on planet earth.  It was a year ago this past weekend that my husband and I made the official decision to pursue adoption to expand our family with our first child. The months that followed were out of control. Unless people have gone through it themselves, the adoption process – the interviews diving into every little detail of our lives, background checks, paperwork, seminars, classes, etc is SO intense people can’t possibly understand. There were many ups, and many many downs, including love lost back at Christmas when we met the little girl we were told was our daughter only to have her taken back 2 days later. I didn’t think I would ever stop crying and get out of bed ever again.

2 months later I’m sitting in a room at our agency meeting our almost 1 month old son for the first time surrounded by the 2 people who love him so very much they chose to place him in our care for life. I am not quite sure I’ve ever experienced a more emotionally-charged day, nor will I ever again.

My son turned 3 months old this past Wednesday. I’m so in love with this little guy. I’m so in love with his whole story, who he is, where he came from. We have been so blessed beyond words. I finally feel like we’ve fallen into a groove around here that works for us. He’s my little buddy and we spend the majority of our days hangin out taking “field trips,” cuddling on the couch, I read books to him, we have our daily dance parties, and I’m loving every second of being his mom.

However, I’ve never hidden on here the fact that I struggle with anxiety. It’s something I’m being treated for and routinely see a therapist for several times a month. I’ve come leaps and bounds in how I deal with the stress of life. In fact I fully credit my work in this area with the fact that I even am a mother today. It’s the only reason I’m able to get out the door and pound pavement. It’s the only way I’m able to go to my job and deal with the insanity that ensues there on a very intense and busy nursing unit for 12.5 hours a day.

This week, I’m just going to be honest, has been very stressful for me. I’m not sure what the deal is but I’m having anxiety attacks that I haven’t seen in many many months, and never this frequent. I’m so swamped trying to get our son prepped for his surgery early next week, I’m working on getting court documents done for our adoption finalization this June and other adoption-related paperwork for our agency, spring cleaning the house is OUT OF CONTROL with no time to do it, and I’m in my final hard week of training before I go into taper next week for my half marathon, and trying to find time to actually sit down and talk to my husband has been harder than it should be.

I woke up this morning with my heart beating 50,000 mph. I walk 2 inches and it feels like I just ran a marathon. I have 2 choices. I can let this get the better of me and take 20 steps backwards on all the work I’ve done this past year and a half or I can handle it appropriately. I can’t pinpoint exactly what event that took place this week that is causing this whole nonsense. Maybe there isn’t just one thing that’s really bugging me, but many. Either way I push on and I cling to my time out on the road. On every run I gain clarity. I’m ecstatic to run my 4 miles I have on the schedule today.

My run today will be my medicine. I thank God for the fact that he has blessed with it. It’s my reprieve. I will spend my time out on the trail in prayer and praising God for the trials He’s bestowed upon me in life. I will overcome this. I have multiple times in the past. I consider any hardship a blessing as it only serves to make me stronger.

So today I run. Today I breathe. Today I give thanks.

Tonight I will come home refreshed and can’t wait to snuggle with my family on the couch full of peace.

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Gosh I don’t even know

I don’t know where to even begin on the whole Boston Marathon tragedies. I’m sure you’ve read countless blogs, and if you’re like me, was glued to various news outlets and media all of last week praying profusely for some justice. I’m just going to say a few things 1) I was horrified about the whole ordeal and spent hours sobbing my brains out afterward desperately trying to get a hold of several friends there either running or spectating 2) I found out I had several of those friends literally in the exact spot of the bombs within an hour to less than 10 minutes prior to the explosions and 3) the face of racing and running will never be the same again. We are forever changed.

In the almost 3 years that I have been fully blessed to be a part of the running community, I always knew of and felt the strong camaraderie between runners of any distance, pace, ability. It was absolutely no surprise to me that same community came out in the most gynormous force to be reckoned with immediately following the terrible incidents.  The generosity and the spirit runners have shown from all over the globe to the survivors and to the victims and their families has literally moved me to tears on several occasions. While I may never know any of the victims and I may never get to Boston myself, this literally felt like an attack upon my family. We are family. As a runner, the majority of those outside the community thinks we’re all insane. It’s the “insanity” the pulls us all together. We “get” each other. The irony in all this is that the zest for life most runners are filled to the brim with will not be squelched with these horrible events. No, this will just make us even stronger. There is no point in living a life of fear. It may shake us for a brief minute, but if you’re like me, you’re just more bound and determined to live life to the fullest even more than before.

Sorry, guys…your tactics didn’t work.

I am greatly looking forward to this Sunday where I and several of my fellow #MNRunnerd buddies will be participating in a memorial run/benefit for the victims and their families. It has been WAAAAAY too long since I’ve seen my local running buddies (having a kid will do that to ya) and I’m looking forward to catching up with them while running my final “dress rehearsal” of 12 miles before I head into taper for my half marathon in May.

If you’re in the area and are interested in learning more about the event, you can click on this link here!

Very excited about my new shirt from Adidas that should be arriving soon too so that I can show my support even further.

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Have any of you participated in a Boston memorial run or benefit? If so, please share! We’d love to hear about it!

 

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When your PR really kinda isn’t your PR, but yet it is…confusing? Read more.

So I lied. In my last post I wrote about a PR not being attainable unless a miracle of epic proportions occurred during my 10-mile race this past weekend. I knew it was possible, but only if I didn’t stop due to some acute injury or end up in a porta-potty along the race course somewhere. Both of which did NOT happen on Saturday so….

A MIRACLE happened, people! Were you aware? No?

Let’s start from the beginning.

Friday night I headed to bed fairly early and laid awake all night with a pounding migraine in my right temple that just screamed “sinus infection.” I’d been battling an underlying sinus war all week prior to the race and not a day went by that I wasn’t doping myself up on tylenol trying to ward it off. Saturday morning, every single time I moved my head forward or back, I felt like someone was stabbing me with an ice pick behind my right eye. I sat in a warm bath at 5AM that morning willing myself not to puke. It was that moment that I became utterly terrified of the 10 miles I was slated to run along the banks of the Mississippi River just 3 hours later.

Fast forward to my garage door going up as I was getting ready to leave and there was a nice layer of fresh snow covering the road. Freak out #2.

Then as I’m getting on the freeway to go pick up my friend, Marie, I’m white-knuckling it past an SUV half over-turned in a ditch because of the ice on the road. Freak out #3.

Mkay. So the ride there was NOT pleasant. We ended up getting to the stadium at 6:30 to make sure Marie had enough time to get her stuff and for me to get my 50 pee breaks in prior to the start. It was at that point where I resolved there was nothing I could do about the freezing temps and slick roads. I couldn’t do anything about my migraine and I’d just have to give it my best shot and hope that there’s someone there along the course to take care of me should I keel over or break my leg.

At promptly 7:50, I left Marie (who was running the 5K starting 10 minutes later) and headed to the start of the 10-miler. I had heard the course was hilly. I’m running a veeeerrrry hilly half marathon in less than a month, so this was a perfect opportunity for me to try my hand at hills I hardly ever get to run. More on this in a minute.

We headed off at the start and I was feeling good until I looked at my watch at 0.65 of a mile and thought to myself “Wow. I’m tired.”  That mentality had to stop right there. I had 9.35+ miles to go.

The course wound through the University of Minnesota campus before heading out along the parkway on the edge of the Mighty Mississippi river. It was very beautiful, but incredibly hilly at times. The first came after mile 2. I turned a corner and BOOM it was what appeared to be a never-ending hill. I was following the 1:45/10:30 pacer guy (who happened to be the same pacer that left me and others high and dry during the Mankato half after nature called and he did a porta-potty visit). Believe it or not, I was happy to see him. I knew his style and knew I could hang with him for quite a ways so I just focused on the back of his singlet and plowed up that hill. I passed the walkers. My goal was to stick behind him for the first 6 miles, access how I felt at that point and see what the plan should be for the remainder of the race. I did just that.

We made our way up and down the hills and over the bridge crossing to the other side around mile 4. It felt like if we weren’t going up, then we were definitely going down. There were a couple times I had to really sit down into the downhill or I felt like I was falling. The only problem I was faced with was the intense “floaty-head” feeling that was hanging around in combination of the stabbing ice pick sensation behind my right eye that just wouldn’t quit. I spent the first 6 miles of the race debating a full-on collapse as I passed all the Minneapolis cops at every intersection directing traffic away from the runners. I bet I warded off the notion of quitting and asking for medical attention at least 8 or 10 times those first 6 miles. I just kept telling myself I was on my own, I had to get through it, and just to keep going.

I got myself to mile 6 as planned behind my pacer guy (who was pulling out a pace WAY faster than the 10:30 I wanted to chill at comfy-like) and only walked through the water stops. I decided to give myself permission to walk at that point, but only if absolutely necessary and making a pact with myself that once I walked, I could only walk for 1 minute and then start again. I was holding my Garmin in my hands the whole time and was looking at my pace and time, but none of it was really registering with me. I didn’t really do the math and wasn’t really caring. This was most definitely a first for me. I was proud of how I was handling what felt like my brain trying to explode through my skull, the fact that I felt dizzy, and that the insane hills weren’t messing with my head.

At around mile 6.5 (I think?) I started to notice runners coming back AT us. The road was split into two and I was herded on the right side while runners coming the opposite direction were on the left. I noticed they were turning a hard right at the split and heading up this MASSIVE hill I couldn’t see the end of.  I decided to not give that terror a “voice” and to just keep plowing through past it until the turn around when I knew that “mountain” was going to be staring me in the face.

I got to that point right after mile 7 and I started to walk up it. I walked maybe 15 seconds (still couldn’t see the end of it) and told myself it was time to put the big girl panties on and run. I didn’t care if it was at a pace of 45:00/mile, I was going to put a “hop” into my step and get up that hill looking like I was not walking. I made it…only to go over the bridge back towards the U of M and see another hill right before mile 8. I walked that sucker and checked my phone to see a pic my hubby had sent me of our 2.5 month old son that said “Good luck, Mommy!” Bam! Tears.

I remembered a convo I’d heard back around mile 1 where some runner told another runner “If we can just get to mile 8, it’s smooth sailing from there.” I’d past the hardest part. They weren’t kidding. The rest of the race was flat as a pancake. I was running high on seeing that pic of my son and I knew the last 2 miles were gonna be awesome. They were. I averaged a 9:30 pace for miles 8-10+ and cruised with what felt like fresh legs around the edge of the stadium, down the ramp, and onto the field crossing the finish at the 50 yard line of TCF stadium with a grand total time of 1:45:45 for 10.26 miles for an average pace of 10:18/mile.

I have never ever ever ended a race (not even a 5K) on legs that felt so good. My last 2 miles were definitely my fastest and I wasn’t even out of breath. I felt like a ROCKSTAR. For a girl whose typical running route only gains approximately 34 feet of elevation, I’d just tackled 450+ foot gain with ease and a migraine to boot. This race was a far cry from my total puking melt down at the Walt Disney World Half this past January.

My last 10-mile race was October of 2011 where I came in at 1:50:08 after losing my mind and walking a ton due to an acute knee injury and spending some time in a porta-potty. I had just PR’d this race. Even though a year ago I ran 10 miles on a training run in just over 1:38:00, I was ECSTATIC over this new race PR with big hills in 1:45:45.

So while my PR isn’t really my best time for 10 miles. It’s my PR for a race.

Come to mama, PR! COME TO MAMA!

Even if my half marathon hill-fest doesn’t turn out great next month, I still had this moment. It was a huge one. I haven’t had a PR in over a year and a half for any distance so I’m thrilled. Who the heck cares if I’ve run 10 miles way faster in the past? What matters is that I’m seeing progress in who I am handling obstacles that come my way. There would have been a time where I would have bailed on all hills, wouldn’t have got out of bed with that migraine, or I would have probably cried my whole way through the race.

Not on Saturday. I have come a long way, baby and I can’t wait to see what next month holds.

Here’s me and Marie (on the right) with our respective finisher medals!

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The bebe is sleepin…I’m bloggin

Tomorrow begins a new journey for me as a runner. It’s my first official race of the season. I’m heading down to the University of Minnesota for Goldy’s 10-miler starting promptly at 8AM. It’s imperative that I keep my head clear of old times and former expectations. My time will NOT be anywhere near what it was back at my last 10-miler. If it is, it will be a miracle of epic proportions. I’ve had a rough week personally and I am looking forward to being out on the road with a bazillion other runners just enjoying the experience. It’s time I treat race day differently.

My half marathon is next month and my 10-mile run naturally fell on the schedule tomorrow so this race came at the right time. This is the first time I’ve ever used a race as a training run. I need to remember to treat it as such. This, along with my 12-miler in 2 weeks, has to serve as an indicator of where I really am at in all of this training and not a means for me to push myself to a PR.

I’m considering using a pacer tomorrow to ensure I don’t go out all guns blazin and to pace myself straight out of the gate. It worked well for me to do this back in October for my Mankato Half Marathon (until my pacer went to the bathroom off the course at mile 6), so I’m going to attempt it tomorrow. And I’m purposely going to place myself AFTER my current 10-mile PR time. We will see how this goes.

I feel like I’ve been in a total funk this week for a multitude of reasons. People and their own issues clashed with mine early on this week and it’s just kept me in a big poopy head space that’s extended way too long now.

Fresh air. In and out of the lungs. Legs moving. Runners in abundance. I will run my own race. I will clear my heart and my mind.

Let 2013 and my new racing season begin.

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Change in mindset

So I’ve always been someone who likes to start their day with a run or a good work out. I’ve not had that privilege in 6 weeks now. All my training has to happen at 5PM or later (sometimes I get to the gym as late as 9PM) and it’s been a real eye-opener. I feel sluggish at times, I’m especially having a difficult time in my outdoor runs. It’s like non-poopy diaper/fresh air works a number over on my lungs. I’ve never been one to run on a full stomach or one that’s had even 1 full meal. By the time I’m getting out the door, I’m full of at least 2, if not 3.  Ick. I just feel icky.

Truth be told, because the majority of my days these last 6 weeks have been me sitting on my couch holding the most adorable little dude and playing with plastic rings and rattles, I’m not moving nearly as much as I was accustomed to prior to my son arriving home.  I’m on maternity leave meaning I’m not running around like a crazy person on a nursing unit for 13 hours at a time and my body is starting to show it. I’ve gained 5 lbs in the past month. I don’t step on the scale often. I just had a feeling, though, that something was off. So I stepped on the dumb scale. I’m the heaviest I’ve ever been since our wedding almost 7 years ago when exercise was a “swear word” in my book and I had no muscle, just fat. Not that I’m obese. Not that I’m going to sit here and tell you I don’t understand WHY (as I throw away the giant nutella jar I’ve been digging into nightly).  It just made me realize I need to be more careful before it gets out of control and my mind goes to that dark place where I’m no longer comfy. This whole prior year I’ve been working on trying to be “mindful” of what I’m putting in my body and focusing my attention as food being “fuel” rather than “comfort.” I took my time to make meals so that I could down to enjoy them rather than treating a box of wheat thins as a meal. Now I’m slamming food down my throat (half chewed) because I’ve got a little guy that demands every single second of my day. I’m not a fan of letting him scream so I can make a salad and chew it slowly. Who can enjoy that? However, it’s something I really need to be better about. I’m making a point, during his naps, to meal prep and get things laid out that can easily be thrown together. I’m finding ways to actually chew my food (even if it takes me 2 hours in between feedings and diaper changes) and complete a decent meal.

I’m not going to step on the scale again for another month. Even if it says the same number I saw earlier this week, if I’m feeling better about my body and my new attempts at eating “mindfully” but in a different way than before, I’m going to be happy about it.

But I gotta admit, the Nutella jar most def wasn’t helping. :)

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